The Perfect Church

I told God these conditions
My requirements are few
I want a perfect church God
So here’s my list for you

This church must not have gossip
The members must not lie
They must always look real friendly
And here are the reasons why

I feel I am much better
Than those who do such things
I can’t be such a hypocrite
I can’t earn my angel wings.

I’m looking for the perfect church
Perfect pastor, perfect pew
Perfect deacons, perfect choirs
All must pass my interview

The service must be short and sweet
The offering plate passed once
The special programs and events
Must always feature lunch

I’ll put my car right at the door
Then sit far in the rear
I want my exit to be smooth
That’s why I park so near

God showed me exactly what I asked
What an amazing thing to see
There was one bad apple in the bunch
Looking closer, it was me

It is you who spread the rumors
You hold the grudge, you won’t forgive
You put in the stingy offering
Join My church, learn how to live