How to Use Jesus

Jesus can perform many functions in life and can be used in many convenient ways.  Here are just a few examples of how you can use Jesus, as demonstrated by many contemporary American Christians.

  1. Jesus as a tax exemption.-Just using the name of Jesus can allow you to help add line item deductions to your tax return.  You don’t have to believe on His name, or even pretend to worship at His church.  Just tell the government that along with the school loans, house mortgage and flood damage in your basement (next time remember to turn off that faucet), you gave a lot of money in Jesus’ name and you are guaranteed a better tax return.  This is not true with regard to taxes in other parts of the world.  America!  You gotta love her!
  2. Jesus as a ‘Handi-Wipe.’-This one is one of the all time favorites.  When Jesus says He would wash us from our sins, this works out well.  You don’t have to get thoroughly soaked in this faith, just clean enough for the next sinful adventure.  You can appear to be washing away the dirt in a very religious way, but no deep cleaning is necessary.  Go to church, carry a Bible and be nice to people.  This is good as it gives the appearance of righteousness, without all of that holiness stuff.
  3. Jesus as a political ally.-Whether you are bleeding heart liberal or cold hearted conservative, Jesus is a great tool to advance your political leanings.  He adds just the tinge of compassion and a touch of conviction to make both sides of any political debate justifiable and believable.  This can make your politics and your faith coincide with your desires to sway people to your point of view, without feeling any remorse or second thought of your true motivations.
  4. Jesus as a career builder.-In many circles today just saying you have a religion is a good thing.  The Christian religion still works in many parts of America, as it is seen as a good way to move forward in Christian ministries, from broadcasting, entertainment to writing books.  Just use the name Jesus and royalties are pretty much guaranteed as those who claim to know Him like to sing songs and read books about Him, more than getting to truly know Him.
  5. Jesus as a pick up line.-This is another favorite, especially for guys and girls looking for ‘clean and safe’ relationships.  Given the present scare of sexually related diseases, just saying you know Jesus as your Savior, can allow the potential pick-up to take a sigh of relief as you head off to do whatever you put your mind to.
  6. Jesus as a fashion statement.-This is never out of season, except when you want to travel incognito.  That is, Jesus can be very useful, especially on Sunday when you are around people who claim to know Him.  You can put Him away in the closet, as you put your Bible on the book shelf, until the next Sunday.  That way, He does not need to be dry cleaned, pressed or even covered in plastic.  Then on Monday through Saturday, you can live your life without the risk of getting any soil on Him at all.
  7. Jesus as a money launderer -This is a bit harder than tax exemption.  In fact, you may have to build a church, or even a mega-church for this.  Once you have built this edifice, just convince all who come to worship you, (I mean worship with you) that all of the money they give in this life will guarantee they have a church pew, special hankie and prayer cloth or will benefit some snotty nosed, fly filled face orphaned child, in some nation  on the other side of the world, (far away enough that you never see them).

So, as you see, there are many ways one can use Jesus.  This is just a short list, off the top of my head.  I am sure that with some imagination, we could come up with many more.

Suffice it to say, you don’t have to believe on Jesus to use His name.

There is one very important disclaimer I must make note of here, however.  I remind you that Jesus is rather ‘touchy’ about these techniques and using them will put you on a collision course with Him in this life and the life to come.

Even though you may know all of the right code words, right causes and even some of the right people, if you are just using Jesus, as in the examples above, you will undoubtedly hear Him say; “This people draw near to me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me Matthew15:8”  or “Depart from me, you workers of iniquity, I never knew you Luke 13:27”.

Be careful, and let Jesus use you and not you use Him.  It works out better that way both here and hereafter.